No Guts, No Glory: Taking Chances & Embracing Change
It’s one of those moments in my life I’m having to take in deep breaths every few minutes and whisper to myself, “you’ve got this girl. Keep moving, keep your head up.” I’m finding myself in a completely new environment, miles away from home, family and friends. I know how bad I have wanted an opportunity like this to experience a new world and in addition to that, study a program I actually love, Creative Writing. But the story sure does comes with its own mountains and I hope I can be brave enough to climb or move past them in some way.I understand how a hurdle in one’s way can present the easy and convenient option of turning their backs and giving up on the journey, regardless of how bad they’ve wanted to be on this path. I’m quickly learning all of this comes together to make the experience somewhat worthwhile, that I cannot have the stars without a little darkness, and that there’ll be seasons where backing down from a fight wouldn’t be the best thing to do and I hope that in such times, I’m able to roll back my sleeves and fight- for what I believe in and for the life I have chosen to live.A conversation I had with one of my professors revealed more to me about my fear of change than anything ever has. I told him about how I did not want to be shaped in anyway by my new experiences, about my plans to live life detached from the new systems and culture surrounding me. He looked at me with a sad smile and said simply “Truth is, you will change.” And I did not know how to accept that or what to do with that information. Change can be a scary thing and it is for me although I know it is of course inevitable in an ever evolving world.Mary Shelly said “Nothing is so painful for the human mind as a great and sudden change.” And then I recently found these words by JoyBell and it said everything: the only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way that we can learn is if we’re exposed. And the only way we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”
There’s really no change without exposure. To be exposed is to be set out/ placed in the open. To be made visible. To have your fears revealed and glaring right back at you. To cause you to lay open and be vulnerable. That’s hard. That’s hard & dirty work. That’s facing truths you’ve spent years running from. That’s bringing out lies you’ve stomached for too long.
Courage says this isn’t right, this habit doesn’t serve me well. Courage says I’ll let this go in order to live better. Courage strips away, cuts loose and sometimes, leaves us empty and with nothing. But then it also gives us new room to accept and take in good and better things.I want to be brave in this one life I get to live. I know this is hard and new and terrifying. But comfort zones are safe and keep me rooted in the safe patterns and the only thing they protect me from is taking new steps and learning. But I want to learn and with that I recognize that I should be ready to fail. But who doesn’t? I want to take in and embrace all the newness, all the gifts I’ve been given. I’ve been afraid for too long and I hope that’s something I can change. That I grow to give myself permission to fail and learn in the process.