Dear T,It’s only a few more days and 2019 will be gone and you’ll be swept in the wave of the New Year. You’re sitting here in an empty house, feeling lonely, tired, overwhelmed and even then, loved, held and seen. This year has been everything you never imagined it would be and even more. It’s been light and darkness, highs and lows and above all, its been a brutal shift of life as you know it. You made new and big decisions, not always the best; but through it all, you’ve fought hard, you’ve learnt, you’ve grown, you’ve made peace, you’ve known triumph and you’ve known defeat; and every day you recommit to doing the hardest part- getting back on your feet every single time.You’re not alone, T. Remember that. You’re never alone. I know you still find yourself in the woods. I know you break down weeping. I understand how crippling the anxiety can be, how getting out of bed has suddenly become the hardest thing you’ve had to do. You’re doing a brave thing, love. You’re fighting a good fight and it may not look like it but you’re winning.Be still. Peace is a promise God keeps. You’ve seen the hand of God move in unbelievable ways this year. You’ve been blown away, utterly shocked by the miracles you’ve witnessed taking place in your life. This year, you’ve been wrecked and moved to depths by God’s love, you’ve grown fluent in the language of gratitude and everyday you’re assured of your Father’s faithfulness, His unending love for you. He holds you, T. He knows this being inside and out- the heartaches, the fears, the pain, the loss and He’s staying with you every second; teaching you patience, extending grace, holding you, holding you, holding you. I know you’re scared. Look, God is here.You're brave. You're compassionate. You're moved by service. You're learning what it means to be selfless, to offer time, to sacrifice. Your whole life is changing and for the first time, you're not resisting it.Don’t stay away, T. You’ve spent your whole life running from love. Call someone. Talk to a friend. You’ve lost some along the way but my, you know you have some good ones still here. They love you. They show up and want to be there for you. Don’t push them away. Let them love you. You have to stop running, love. You’re tired. Don’t let all the good things slip through your hand. You’re loved, deeply. Hold on, baby. Hold on.The writing has been consistent and inconsistent, good and bad. For the first time, you’re receiving money for your work. Narrative is publishing three of your stories and that’s a pretty big deal. You’ve been rejected the most this year and you keep submitting. This is a good habit. Keep going. Never stop. Write all the bad stories if every draft is a step closer to a good story. Do not wait for permission. You’re finding your voice and discovering your style. Keep practicing no matter what. You want to write about the human condition. You want stories that break the heart open and stitch it back together. You want the weight of stories you never thought you could bear. You want to point to truth and say ‘look, pay attention.’ You want stories that awaken, that have people looking deep within. Make no one take this from you.Your favorite thing about yourself now is how you’re unashamed of learning; thus, of failing. You’re asking the silliest questions. Admitting when you don’t know. You’re open-minded and accommodating, you’re learning all you can while still living your own experience and having your own truths. Never lose your wonder.You’re struggling with solitude now more than ever but you’re learning how to sit with yourself and thrive in the quiet. If it gets hard, read a book and talk to a friend.You're laughing and crying bitter tears. You stay locked in your room and you sit at a table to have dinner with a family. You hide and run back to where there's light. You're moving between seasons gracefully. You're being kind to yourself. You're feeding your heart with what is necessary. You're cutting off habits that are draining you. This is growth.You miss your dad. You will always miss your dad. But he is so so proud of you, T.Remember James Baldwin’s words: Neither love nor terror makes one blind, indifference makes one blind and the most dangerous creation of any society is the man who has nothing to lose. Do not grow numb. May your conscience never be worn out by society. It’s a scary world out there but stay true, T. Do not be contemptuous of other people’s pain. Give love. Apologize. Understand that it isn't all about you. Stay present. Rejoice in the force of life. Forgive yourself and others. You have this one life; live it and if that means, wading in the waters, if that means fighting, rocking yourself to comfort, loving so hard you’re made soft, you’re revealed and made open, go all the way. You’re doing fine, baby. Breathe. In strength and in weakness, in the joy and pain, take each day as the gift that it is and live.

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return .   – Maya Angelou

Love always,Try