Learning Memo: March
You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You - Isaiah 26:3
I woke up one day in March and was absolutely convinced that I was going to die. I was so sure as I walked out of my apartment in Lincoln that I wouldn’t be coming back home. It feels a little silly admitting it now, but my trepidation was so real, so palpable. An old schoolmate of mine had suddenly passed away and the news, like most news about death, utterly stunned me. I didn’t know what to do with myself, or how to process this loss. In the weeks that followed, two other people I know would lose their lives. There was a sharpness to the emotions I was carrying, a confusion at the very end of it, and a kind of numbness that seemed to overpower me as I went about my days. It felt as though there was death all around me, and that somehow, I was in the middle of it, and it was coming for me too. If this had happened a year ago, I would have been absolutely crippled by fear (mind you—there was still some paranoia building inside of me: I looked at every corner before crossing the streets and I changed my usual route a few times, afraid a stalker would emerge from behind a building and get me; I recorded a strange video of me and I spoke to my brothers and close friends on Facetime, etc.). While I was rattled by the thought of what might happen to me, and how and when it might happen, there was still some unbelievable sense of peace I had inside of me.
There was no way to explain it other than my growing confidence in the sovereignty and providence of God. It wasn’t peace in knowing I wasn’t going to die (because I will certainly leave this earth when the time comes and I will be reunited with the One who has my heart) but it was peace in recognizing that God is with me—in my living and in my dying. He is no less God when He calls me to Himself. I knew that because I belong to an eternal God, I am eternally safe in Him. After giving those fears to God in prayer, I kept reminding myself that my life is hidden in His hands, that every step I take is orchestrated by Him and not a single incident in my life takes my Father by surprise. And of course, I had to remind myself of the more difficult truth that if He is indeed the author of my life (and He is), then He has the final authority on my numbered days on earth—when I breathe my first and last breaths. There’s so much I don’t know and can’t comprehend about what God allows and withholds, but there’s a lot more I know about His character and His heart from studying His word. That He is holy, which means there is no lie or unfaithfulness in Him; that He is good and wise, which makes Him the perfect One to map out and control our lives; that He is Creator and sovereign, which puts Him above all things and with infinite power to do all that He wills.
My learning memo for this month is from my reading of Louie Giglio’s book “Winning the War on Worry.” He addresses the myths and lies of worry, our tendencies to be anxious by tracing the root cause of our worry (“at the heart of worry is our need to be in control”)and he also calls us to develop the discipline of cultivating a peaceful heart and confident mind (by replacing the lies with the truth). What was most compelling to me in this book is Giglio’s response to what he calls ‘the devil’s two-pronged attack’, which often takes the form of these questions: Is God good? Can God be trusted? Giglio writes that at the heart of this approach is first to “have us doubt God’s character and motives” and second, “to convince us that life will be better when we are in control.” What was eye-opening for me was reading about how looking to the Cross is a way to deflect these two attacks from the enemy. It had me think for a second about my own relationship to the cross and more often than not, the first things that come to mind are the death of Jesus as the perfect atonement for my sins, God’s reckless love for me, and the immeasurable cost that was paid. I often end there, and I’ve rarely considered how such action also speaks to the character and motive of God as Giglio reveals:
On questioning God’s character and motives: “Jesus laid down His life for us so we could be forgiven and have eternal life. There is no greater proof of God’s character and motives than this: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). When we look back at the cross, we see that there’s no doubting the fact that God is good and that He can be trusted.”
On believing the lie that our lives will be better when we’re in control: “Sin brought death. When we lived under the banner of death, we felt compelled to try to control every outcome, because if we didn’t, who would? Our need for control was rooted in fear, and it fueled our anxiety (Romans 8:15). We were fed the lie that we could become masters of our own fate. All the while, our end destination was determined: death. Yet God has stepped into the story with stunning grace and upended the power of death. Jesus’ resurrection puts the brakes on our need for control because we can fully trust that the One who overcame death, hell, and the grave loves us and gives us victorious life to us through Jesus Christ. He promises to care for us. Guide us. Protect us”
“Jesus can carry what is worrying you because He has already carried what was meant to kill you… you find peace by surrendering your need for control to the One who is actually in control.”
As someone who easily has the ‘worrier’ and ‘anxious’ labels pinned on their sleeves, I have certainly been challenged by this. My hope is to continually look to God and live before Him at all times such that when the waves of fear and attacks hit me (as they will), I am close enough to turn to and seek Him, vigilant enough to call out the lies and replace them with truth. I hope be so preoccupied with my God that my first impulse in any season of affliction is to ask, What do I know about God to be true and knowing that, how am I going to live in light of who He is? In other words, if I know and believe that my Father has boundless power, keeps me in perfect peace, and has an unending love towards me, how would I live my life and what choices will I make as His child?
